My cocktail

Sunday 3rd August

Colour, Church and Curry

I put some temporary dye in my hair to lift it up a bit, I do like a bit of colour. 😱 I can't see me ever going grey gracefully. I will be one of those pensioners who go in for thier rinses but the difference is mine won't rinse out. 😳

Onto Church and a good warble. Not many there, they must all be on thier holidays or given up religion. 😱

What next ? I have no food so Sainsbury's. More importantly I have no Prosecco. 😱 Soon remedied that. 😀 Curries and bottles in bag. 

Stuck the TV on and caught up with The Osbournes. Ozzy had his quad bike accident. How he survived that I'll never know. 

He's great when he's trying to get Kelly to cover up a bit more on her chest before going out, "I'm just trying to be a Dad" he stutters bewilderedly. 

Me (making sure I'm decently covered)

Monday 4th August

Counting And Pills

I'm due out this morning to count all the money the church has collected. It's the sort of job I don't mind doing now I'm retired now and again. It keeps my brain a bit sharp as well. 😱

I have orange hair. Black and orange look so good together.

Sainsbury's and a bit of a shop. I'm careful not to buy too much as I can't carry it what with my internal injuries following my fall in the street two weeks ago. 😳

Home and TV watching and Prosecco drinking. 😱 The hospital phones so I hide the bottle to make myself feel less guilty. It's not video phone but the guilt remains. Drinking alone in the daytime always comes with such shame. 😭

We discuss medication and I ask when I can start taking my anti anxiety pills the hospital pulled me off when I was admitted. The nurse is surprised I was suddenly taken off them and tells me to go to my GP urgently as I am probably getting withdrawal symptoms. 😱 Not again. First Valium then this stuff. I make an urgent appointment for tomorrow. I am so fed up with doctors and hospitals.

I have another glass of Prosecco to calm down. 🤐

Orange hair and gothic background 

Tuesday 5th August

Filming And Valium

I'm bored. 😱 I go to see the GP just for a change. All my muscles are tense. She gives me three Valium. It will help on Friday as I've got the dentist. 😱 She suggests not going to the gym until I get the tension sorted. That's somewhere else shut to me. 😭

I decide to make a film of Martin and me. I miss him. I have to be more positive as this is getting me nowhere. 😱 I think of three things to be grateful for.

1. I'm not broke - I remember times when I was and scraping pennies together, choosing whether to eat or smoke was miserable. Smoking always won. 😳

2. I have friends. I'm a handful I admit it but I have very good friends who check in on me knowing I'm alone and those that let me rant. 🤐

3. I saw David Bowie sing live before he died. He was brilliant. I couldn't talk properly for hours afterwards, I was lost to the world. It's a concert that I will never forget. ❤️

I feel better now. 😀

My Bowie ticket in 2003

Bowie

Wednesday 6th August

The Corkscrew

Today I update a few things online, catch up on the news, the world could end and I'd be late to the party, I'd come out of my flat with my shopping trolley about to cripple anyone that got in my way and there wouldn't be anyone, there would be no shops. 😱 No food. 😳 Actually there would be no me because I'd be ended. 😭

It reminds me of post Covid lockdown when I came blinking out into the sunlight like out of a war bunker. 😱 Everything felt strange, shopping in shops, real shops. Going to the office. Hold on, I never went back to the office because the weasels made me redundant in Covid. 😭 I don't hold grudges though and I did hate working from home. 

Onto the evening and time for monthly art class. 😳 I love drink and draw it's such fun. I learnt all about negative space in drawing although I've had enough of my own negative space lately. 😭 

I was showing my artistic temperament. 😳 In reality, I just couldn't draw the sodding corkscrew. 😳 The angles got me down. Depressed over angles I had a drink, for some reason I only had a Diet Coke, the Valium must be making me thirsty. 😭

I gave up on the angles but then it wouldn't fit on the page so I started again. The angles still depressed me. It only just fitted on the page. The artist threatened to have me drawing murals on the wall if I didn't downscale. 😱

I went to Sainsbury's for Prosecco and cream cakes.😳

The Corkscrew 

Thursday 7th August

Toilets

I thought that I was going to the Osteopath today but it's tomorrow. I'm also going to the physio tomorrow. 😳 I thought that I was going to the dentist tomorrow as well but that's Saturday. What a mix up. 😭

I do what I have to do on the loo but slide off it. 😱 my loo seat moves so much it is like something out of Harry Potter. It's got the wrong fittings on it. I can't remember why but there was a reason. There usually is. I have ordered a new one and it arrives today. Now I have to do the hated job of fitting a new loo seat. 😱

I can't even remember how to take the old one off. 😳 It takes a time but I suddenly remember the secret button to press. Now the fitting of the new one. I have already thrown all the fitting away as I couldn't work it out so once I retrieve them from the bin and wash the bits of old curry off them I am ready to start. 

It sounds simple, switch the hinge clip to the left and lift them the hinge comes off the loo seat and you fit that on. I can't get the hinge off the loo seat which is why I threw it out. I will not be beaten. 😳 It's just a loo seat, I cannot slide off mine for the rest of my life whilst doing my business. 😱

I work it out but my fingernails are bleeding. 😭 thier left is my right. I fiddle and screw in and I'm done. 😀

To celebrate I make a small blue loo of my own. I may start a new resin collection, the toilet collection. 😱

The cool blue loo I made

Friday 8th August

Osteo, Physio And Mystery Chocs

Two appointments this afternoon, first I call in on my Osteopath who works on my tension. Surprisingly, after the last few weeks, one hospital admission, two emergency services, medication adjustments and a glorious black eye my tension isn't as bad as it's been. 😱 I suppose that I am swallowing Valium though. 

So we have a chat as she kneads me and then I head off to the physio. I've never met him before so I explain the problem as best I can and it is quite hard because it's very long. 😭 He has a feel and shows me some exercises. Then I'm free. 

Star Trek TNG is on tonight, I've recently got back into this, it's on every evening. What makes it for me is the character Data. He isn't human, he's an android and he has  no emotions. His greatest wish is to be human and he tries acting as one, he owns a cat, he is fascinated by human behaviour in fact. We would be fascinated by android behaviour, it's just what it is different and unknown to us I guess. 

Two boxes of Milk Tray arrived today. 😳 I didn't remember ordering them so I checked my online ordering. It was when I had my bump to the head. It was me.

I wonder what else I ordered....I daren't look. 😭

Mystery chocs

Saturday 9th August

Dentist

I wake up with a sense of dread. 😱 It can only mean one thing....a dentist visit. 😱😱😱 I can't 😳 But I've already paid for it so I have to. 🤐 The thing is that I didn't go to a dentist for about 30 years and then three months ago decided to go for some unknown reason. I'd changed from smoking fags to vaping so thought it might be an idea to get my teeth cleaned up. 😇

Three months ago he pulled what was left of one tooth out, it was more like a vampire tooth and razor sharp. Sometimes my tounge was shredded. 😭 I had fillings too. 😱 I got the lovely numbing injections for that, I do love them, I never mind injections and the numbness is great, I went to the pub afterwards and dribbled Prosecco happily. 😀

Back to today, I bounded into the dentist all ready for my injection and to my horror he didn't give me one. 😱 just cleaned my teeth which were pretty dirty and told me it would hurt but he would be as gentle as possible. I didn't believe him, I wanted my injection. Luckily I had taken some Valium before I left. It hurt, but in a relaxed way. 😀

I came home and celebrated with Prosecco and Tiramisu and fell asleep. 

My favourite dessert, just what the dentist ordered

Sunday 10th August

Prosecco 

Today I decided to go to church. 😀 I didn't feel like it but it was Sunday and I had nothing else to do so I went. We sang, we prayed, I listened to a sermon. Then I went to the pub with Maria and her dad. It had turned hot in London so I had a bottle of Prosecco. 😳 It was my first bottle out since my hospital admission and I knew that once I got home I had to fight the dehydration.

Well I had a great lunch chatting away, I never seem to be lost for words. 🤐

I am glad that I stoped at one bottle though as I was wobbly walking home and even more wobbly once I was indoors. 😱

Every time I drank water I was sick so short of setting up an IV, I didn't know how to hydrate myself. About two hours later I managed to make a cup of tea and keep it down. 😅 Guess I'm on the road to recovery. 

Why do I do it ?

Me, pissed on Prosecco 

Monday 11th August

Arty Day

It's going to be hot in London today. I'm staying home in case I dehydrate and end up with another black eye. 😱

I decide to make a cake stand. No, I don't mean demanding that a vanilla sponge stands on it's edge. 😳 I mean one of those things you serve sandwiches and cakes on at posh teas. Why not ? Then when Helen comes round to watch Dowton Abbey we can pretend to be posh and have tea and cakes. 😱

So I mix the resin and into the mould it goes and just for effect I add dried flowers. 😱 I have some mixture left so I make some mini loos. Disaster, I get distracted and one loo overflows. 😱

My stainless steel sink is no longer stainless and the resin has stuck. My hands are stuck together so I'm in a right mess as usual. I'm going out with Helen tomorrow so hopefully will get some white spirit to de stain my stainless steel sink. 

It will wear off my hands eventually and I have unstuck them from each other. 

Here's the bottom layer of my cake stand. 😀

Bottom layer of cake stand still in is mould

Tuesday 12th August

Out For Lunch

I'm going out for lunch with Helen in Streatham Spoons. 😱 It's baking hot in London and my flat is a furnace so I have to get out. 

A quick bus ride and we go to one of my favourite shops first, Poundland. 😳 Bleach, White Spirit and Lemonade in the bag all for £4.00. 😱

Then sausage, beans and chips and a pint of Strongbow which slides down nicely, so nicely that I have another one with my ice cream with extra chocolate and toffee sauces. 😱

Helen and I have a great chat, it's not bad in the shade and we haven't seen much of each other lately. 😭

So home I go, sweating away. I haven't been to Streatham for ages, I lived there when I was homeless in a B&B, it was an odd time.

I'm not homeless now but I will never forget those days. 😭

Me and Helen at Spoons

Wednesday 13th August

Making Loos

At home in a sticky resin mess. Some of the previous mix hasn't set so into the bin it goes. 😭

I spend the morning with white spirit and bleach and Zoflora disinfectant and whatever I can find including ant powder, carpet spray, washing up liquid , oh I could go on forever but all in the aim of making my stainless steel sink stainless again. 😭 

It improves it ever so slightly but the fumes are worse than taking LSD 😱 so I sit and hallucinate for a bit then decide to make some mini Loos from resin. I make sure that the mix of resin and hardener is exactly 1:1 😳 and add what I want and here are the results.....

I spend the evening picking bits of resin off my fingers. 😭

Mini loos made by me 

Thursday 14th August

 Dead Relatives In The Night And Buddha On Flowers

I have a terrible night. 😭 Martin keeps making an appearance and at one point I am hanging onto the edge of my double bed by my fingertips. 😱 I know there were nightmares, he often appears at night and I let him, Mum joined in once, she wanted the loo. 😳 That wasn't unusual, she always wanted the loo when she was alive but what was unusual was, like Martin, she was now dead. 😱 

And people wonder why I have anxiety and FND. 😳 I bet they don't have dead relatives with bursting bladders waking them up in the middle of the night. 😱 They might take their own medication (which doesn't work by the way) if they did. 😳

Now I've got that off my chest, I kept the bottom layer of what was going to be my posh cake stand as I quite liked it but the rest went in the bin. 😭 I will make another, I am not defeated but I had to think what to do with it. In the end I gave it to my Buddha that I got in Bali in 1993. 

I hope that he appreciates it and maybe my luck will change. 😳

Bottom layer of my cake stand

My Buddha 

My Buddha on his stand

Friday 15th August

Pink Day

Sainsbury's came to me today as I was short of everything so I put a delivery order in. Included were three bottles of Prosecco, a bottle of wine, a vape oh and a bit of food. 😳

The vape was pink, it was one of those four flavours in one and very nice. Now that you can only buy rechargeable ones I must stop chewing the end of them as I can keep the machine and just buy refill pods but not if the mouthpiece is bitten to pieces. 😱

I made the top of cake stand mark 2 after mark 1 top and middle went in the bin and bottom layer is now supporting Buddha's bottom. 😱 I choose pink. 😳

Then I made a mini loo for my collection....in pink with a flower in the lid. 

I don't even like pink, although I have some rather nice pink trousers and lovely pink flip flops. 😀 And if we are going to talk pink then Pink Floyd is my favourite group. I've seen them a few times. Once twice in close succession as on the first occasion at Earls Court in 1994, a section of seating collapsed during the opening song. 😱 There were injuries but no fatalities thank God. We went back and saw the whole show and it was brilliant. 😀

I fancied a film so I watched Madonna in Desperately Seeking Susan, I'd love that green jacket with the pyramid on. ❤️

Pink vape

Pink layer of my cake stand

Pink mini loo